09.26.08
Posted in Inspiration, My Life at 8:42 pm by Administrator
Have you ever thought of those three little words…or sang the sweet little song most of us learned when we were young?
Jesus Loves Me This I Know
For The Bible Tells Me So
Little Ones To Him Belong
They Are Weak But He Is Strong
Yes, Jesus Loves Me-Yes Jesus Loves Me
Yes, Jesus Loves Me -Because He Tells Me So.
(Okay, I changed the last line a bit -forgive me- I would rather He tell me so!)
Of all the travels in my life -Spiritual, Emotional and Physical- These have remained constant. I haven’t always acknowledged this simple fact but have, however, always known it was true.
A month or so ago I had the honor of hearing Billy Grahms daughter, Gigi, speak. Oh, the stories she had to tell about her dad! (This, I am sure, will be Destin one day telling stories on me!) One thing she said that stood out was in all of her dad’s speaking and in everything he had to say to the millions of people he had been in front of, he ALWAYS looked out to the people and said, simply, “Jesus Loves You, Jesus Loves You, Jesus Loves You.” That’s when it hit me.
Having grown up with many different views on chrisianity, religion and the spirit world I believe I may be as open to what just is as anyone. I know spiritual truths just are -no matter what personal beliefs you hold. I know we come from the same creator -no matter what personal beliefs you hold. I know it is not for me to determine your beliefs or life path -no matter what personal beliefs I hold. It is for me to live a life with love for all life and people no matter your choices. You are still a part of me in spirit and since Jesus loves you it makes it really easy that I love you as well.
As a Christian it is to live my life Christ Like. It is to live a life simply of forgiveness and love. When I try to complicate it with what I should be doing, need to be doing or must not be doing right, I go back to my simple prayer:
“Lord Jesus, YOU did not make this relationship with you complicated. When I am doing something I shouldn’t be -convict me. When I am doing what you would want me to do -give me peace. When I am not sure a direction to take -keep me still. In all of this I ask for Wisdom and Discernment to know what IS.”
Above all, in everything I do and in all of life circumstances, I will remember the most simple of all Jesus Loves Me and in remembering this, I will also acknowledge it!
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Posted in Girlfriend Newsletters at 8:42 pm by Administrator
Chocolate And Chatter Cookbook~
And I Need You To Help!
I have had this idea on my heart for awhile now and am wanting to get started and be ready in time for December!
December 2008 will be the 3rd Celebrate, Girlfriend! month and I want to celebrate with this cookbook that has been on my heart and mind for almost a year now. A cookbook filled with YOUR favorite chocolate recipes and my favorite antecdotes, statements of encouragement and just thoughts that flitter by me at times that I would love to have compiled in a book somewhere! This makes perfect sense!
Chocolate and Chatter -Two of my favorite things! So, here is where I need you ~my Girlfriends! Send me your favorite chocolate recipes! Include your name if you would like it included in the book or ask me to keep it anonomys if you prefer not to have it printed. The book I am looking at now will be a little over 7 x 9, spiral bound. I am thinking this will be a good handy size. I would love to hear your thoughts, comments and recipes!
Girlfriend Event Coming Up!
A Time To Share~
Here’s A Reminder! Chattanooga’s “Room In The Inn” is a home for ladies and children needing temporary lodging and support. We have been invited to a get together September 30th for dinner at 5:30 and then a time of getting to know each other at 6:30. It is the intention of “Room In The Inn” to bring women together, one on one, as mentors and Girlfriends to give these ladies friendship and support even after they have moved on- into their own home and out of the program. Without any obligation on your part, I would ask any of you that can participate in this get together on the 30th to let myself or Sharon know. I see us coming together as girlfriends to teach and learn from each other. I am planning an interactive time. A time to change perceptions, build trust and form lasting friendships. -Prepare to be uncomfortable, break down walls and leave encouraged! Please RSVP your intentions to myself -Rachel@celebrategirlfriend.com or
(Sharon) scollins@chattanoogaroomintheinn.com
And remember; under all the circumstances and life stories we each have, we are all women and girlfriends needing one another. Visit “Room In The Inn” website at - www.chattanoogaroomintheinn.com
Blessings and Hugs to each of you! Rachel
Girlfriend Motto!
Girlfriends honor us and our choices ~although they may not agree~ Girlfriends live without judgment. Girlfriends live without jealousy. Girlfriends honor confidences. Girlfriends lift us up without rescuing us. Girlfriends always live in truth ~and that truth being spoken in love~ Girlfriends Celebrate our differences. Girlfriends know how to listen. Just listen. Girlfriends know how to love themselves and so then are able to love us ~unconditionally ~ Girlfriends Celebrate! ~Rachel
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Posted in Girlfriend Newsletters at 8:41 pm by Administrator
Greetings Girlfriends!
We have an opportunity to get together and I wanted to send an invitation out to all of you.
Chattanooga’s “Room In The Inn” is a home for ladies and children needing temporary lodging and support. We have been invited to a get together September 30th for dinner at 5:30 and then a time of getting to know each other at 6:30.
It is the intention of “Room In The Inn” to bring women together, one on one, as mentors and Girlfriends to give these ladies friendship and support even after they have moved on- into their own home and out of the program.
Without any obligation on your part, I would ask any of you that can participate in this get together on the 30th to let myself or Sharon know.
I see us coming together as girlfriends to teach and learn from each other. I am planning an interactive time. A time to change perceptions, build trust and form lasting friendships. -Prepare to be uncomfortable, break down walls and leave encouraged!
Please RSVP your intentions to myself -Rachel@celebrategirlfriend.com or (Sharon) scollins@chattanoogaroomintheinn.com
And remember; under all the circumstances and life stories we each have, we are all women and girlfriends needing one another.
Blessings and Hugs to each of you! Rachel
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Posted in Girlfriend Newsletters at 8:41 pm by Administrator
Every time I get still I get shaky. Every time I take time to sit quietly and do nothing, I feel my body tremble. Sometimes slightly and sometimes so I know I couldn’t stand if I wanted to.
I used to feel, many years ago, that if I ever stopped I would fall apart. If I ever took time to sit still and listen or work on me, I would absolutely fall a part. I got along so well using dry humor and sarcasm to talk about things in my past, knowing they had to be dealt with in reality, yet I was too scared of the process.
So I stayed busy. And manic. Happy and friendly on the outside, yet a state of depression inside. Fearing a journey of healing would include the process of falling apart. I had two kids. No one to take care of them should this happen. So I stayed in the place of fear. And doubt. Bad decisions, Anger. Bitterness. Heavy depression.
What a pleasant surprise to find my healing took place without my falling apart! What a surprise to realize this wonderful healing process did not have to include my turning every nook and cranny of my childhood upside down and inside out. This process did not include answering or figuring out all the garbage that I had been through or rehashing memories and figuring out what my parents should have done or didn’t do. This healing truly was as simple as forgiving myself. Truly realizing a self love for the woman I am. Then bringing this to a lifestyle of loving without expectations and forgiving without exception.
Boundaries have become a necessary part of my life (although truth be told I may always be working on those). Living a life of love and forgiveness does not mean accepting everything that comes your way and having to live with those circumstances or people cluttering up your space. More simply, it means first of all loving yourself enough to keep your space clear of the negativity. Then when circumstances or people do enter your space, with whatever agenda or expectations they may have, you are more easily able to let them go in a spirit of love and able to forgive whatever may have been meant to hurt, without taking more than a moment for the process.
I see circumstances and people coming into my own life with their stuff, their agenda or with what they think is cool or desired and it seems the more practice I have with these circumstances, the quicker they are to leave. My level of amusement has risen as I see more clearly now at the beginning, exactly what is happening and can, more quickly and clearly, watch as it exits my space. All in a spirit of love as well as the firm belief and knowledge that with my boundaries in place, there is no way for the foolishness to get so close - no way for the insincerity to find a place of rest - no way for chaos and negativity to take root and stay. I watch with equal amusement as they enter and as they leave. Perhaps I will start timing this process! *smile*
Now I am working on another level. Something deeper in this life I am living and the inevitable change that takes place within this life. I am seeing my needs and desires perhaps on a more intense level that I have not yet grasped. So I see myself start to get busy, yet less manic than before. I see myself start having a whole lot going on with much of it having absolutely nothing to do with what I want or need to be doing. It is time to stop again. To take time to be still and listen. To notice the weakness in my body, or the way my insides feel like jello. And know that a breakthrough does not have to include a breakdown. I just have to stop, take time to listen, and be aware when the answers come.
Getting Still
From “Until Today” by Iyanla Vanzant
Everything has to stop at some time in order to keep going. When driving, you must pause at stop lights and stop signe. On a train, there may be stops before you reach your destination. An airplane stops at the head of the runway before it ascends into the sky. Knowing this, why do we believe that we can move from experience to experience withouth stoping, refueling or resting? Most of us will not leave one job until we have another. As soon as one romance is over, we begin our prowl to find another. We go from work to home to work some more. Even a quiet relaxing evening could mean reading, talking, playing with the dog. Some of us feel guilty about doing things that do not earn an income or meet some responsibility of our lives. We believe that doing nothing is not a good thing, when in fact it is the best thing we could do for ourselves. To stop, to rest, or to pause means to do nothing. It means no thinking! No moving! No decisions! When you press the pause button on the audio machine, everything stops. No picture, no sound, no movement. The images and sounds of life must come to a halt if you want to have a clear picture about what to do next. What a blessing it is to puch the pause button. To have the ability to stop and gather strength or to wait until things have passed before turning a corner and moving forward. A pause in life’s journey does not mean that nothing is happening. In reality, it is a divine opportunity to be present and catch up with all that is going on. Until today, you may have been afraid to stop moving or doing in life. Just for today, push the pause button. Be still. Shut down. Stop your movement just long enough to check up on yourself. Unless you pause, you may not know if you are fast-forwarding or going in reverse.
Sign up to receive your ‘Chocolate and Chatter’ E-Mail Newsletter sign up at www.CelebrateGirlfriend.com
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09.12.08
Posted in Inspiration at 5:09 pm by Administrator
In posting the letter - Forget Love and Try Good Manners, from ‘The Divine Secrets Of The Ya Ya Sister Hood’- and doing some reading and contemplating this weekend (how odd *smile*) it has occurred to me how very true the statement is “Forget Love, Try Good Manners.” In observing couples and the way they treat each other…the question posed is “Why do you stay?” The answer invariably is “Because I love him/her.” Give me a break! And, in talking to friends and letting them know that I am dating again and intentionally searching for the love that comes from being connected to another soul, I hear very often ~maybe from the ones that aren’t happy~ “maybe in your search you will realize you are better off single.” I am very well off single. I love being single. I love being independent and self sufficient, I love taking off on a Friday night and doing my thing…not reporting to anyone. But I miss being in a monogamous relationship. I miss the connection to that one other human being that you can count on and has your back no matter what. The one who looks for you and wants to be with you and you with them. Because you enjoy them! Because you want to be in their company! Because you respect them! Because you have compassion and genuinely care what is going on and what happens to them. So, back to my original thought. Love has nothing to do with it if you haven’t learned how to love. If you haven’t learned how to love~in a genuine, honest, thoughtful, you mean the world to me way~ Start with good manners.
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Posted in Encouragement at 7:06 am by Administrator
In posting the letter - Forget Love and Try Good Manners, from ‘The Divine Secrets Of The Ya Ya Sister Hood’- and doing some reading and contemplating this weekend (how odd *smile*) it has occurred to me how very true the statement is “Forget Love, Try Good Manners.” In observing couples and the way they treat each other…the question posed is “Why do you stay?” The answer invariably is “Because I love him/her.” Give me a break! And, in talking to friends and letting them know that I am dating again and intentionally searching for the love that comes from being connected to another soul, I hear very often ~maybe from the ones that aren’t happy~ “maybe in your search you will realize you are better off single.” I am very well off single. I love being single. I love being independent and self sufficient, I love taking off on a Friday night and doing my thing…not reporting to anyone. But I miss being in a monogamous relationship. I miss the connection to that one other human being that you can count on and has your back no matter what. The one who looks for you and wants to be with you and you with them. Because you enjoy them! Because you want to be in their company! Because you respect them! Because you have compassion and genuinely care what is going on and what happens to them. So, back to my original thought. Love has nothing to do with it if you haven’t learned how to love. If you haven’t learned how to love~in a genuine, honest, thoughtful, you mean the world to me way~ Start with good manners.
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08.13.08
Posted in Girlfriend Newsletters at 1:38 pm by Administrator
Intentional Choices
Choosing Mindless Escapes
Big Brother and Mindless TV
I love the TV show Big Brother. I won’t appologize and I won’t try to explain except to say it is so mindless and I really do love escaping for that one hour into the lives of these people who are living in a house with others they have never met. The end is something like $250,000 or $500,000 to the last one standing. What I like to escape into is the human actions and reactions to things that are said -not said -perceived -misunderstood and not really ever confronted. I don’t get caught up in the emotions of the show or scream and yell “Don’t you know! Can’t you see!” Rather I sit in simple amusement. Intentionally knowing this is mindless and purposefully understanding that this has absolutely nothing to do with real life. Unless you allow life to catch you up in drama such as this. Where you are always looking for the next chaotic moment. Where you are looking for the next opportunity to fuss and argue. Where you are looking for the next opportunity to completely disrupt a perfectly fine moment of peace and rest and turn it into confusion and chaos because that is what has become most comfortable. Quiet has become too loud and Peace has become too unsettling.
Choosing Something Better
Rachel Scott -The Story I Didn’t Know
I had the opportunity to hear Dana Scott speak this past weekend. Her sister Rachel was the first person killed at Columbine High School on April 20th,1999. We have all heard the small tidbit -after she had been shot several times and was trying to crawl away, one of the gunmen asked her if she still believed in her God. She responded with “You know I do”. Her killer said “Go be with Him then. And shot her once more. The story behind it is more than I could have imagined. The fact that Rachel Scott lived every day as an Intentional Light for others was shown through her writings, drawings and testimony from kids at her school. One young boy, a proffessed atheist told her parents “Rachel was what a Christian should be”. She didn’t live shouting her beliefs to those who would listen. She just lived, every moment, what she believed. When she would see someone hurting ~even those she didn’t know, she reached out with a kind word or a touch. When someone new came to school, she intentionally reached out to let them know they were welcomed! ” I have this theory that if one person can go out of their way to show compassion then it will start a chain reaction of the same.”- Rachel Scott This was written in an essay she had to do for English class. Girlfriends, there is so much more to this story and not enough newsletter to write it all out! It is simply a story about living with an intention to know yourself. It is about living a life with a purpose of compassion and staying aware of those around you who may need encouragement and even just a touch on the shoulder to say “You matter to me.” You don’t have to get caught up in the drama of their life. You don’t have to get caught up in the fixing of their life. You don’t have to get caught up in the gossip of the circumstance. You can be available with a heart that truly cares about another human being and you can be available with an ear, just to listen or a quiet spirit to just let them cry. I would encourage each of you to go to www.RachelsChallenge.com and see the life this young lady lived and the passion she had for the kids around her. The fact that she was so young, had lived her life with Intention, Passion and Purpose and the fact that she lived what she believed ~She didn’t talk loud and proud, she didn’t tell everyone else what they shoulda, coulda, didn’t ~She lived every day with her sweet, kind spirit that touched those around her and now millions around the world!
Making The Choice
Changing Anxiety to Excitement
We all have stuff that comes up. We get to choose in each moment how we will react to the stuff! Here is one of my favorites from Iyanla Vanzant
~ The quickest way to turn a bad situation into a blessing is to get excited! Things may not look so good right now. You may even doubt your ability to hold up under the pressure or the scrutiny. It’s all okay! You can still choose to be excited! Excitement is the opposite of anxiety. It brings a new energy into any situation. Excitement gives you power and puts you in charge of what you do. Just imagine how you will feel when the situation is over. Think about what you will do with the knowledge and experience you are gaining. Think about the stories you can tell, the people you can assist, the fact that you will know what to do if you are ever in this situation again. Isn’t that exciting? In any situation, you have the right, power, and ability to choose your experience. Old habits and negative thought patterns will be the first to show up, but we can choose a new way in which you affect the outcome. Rather than slipping into fear, resentment, or anger, you can get excited! Be excited that you are equipped to handle it! Be excited that life is trusting you to do the right thing! Be excited that you will do you best, no matter what happens!
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06.25.08
Posted in Girlfriend Newsletters at 12:37 pm by Administrator
Introduction
In the previous newsletter I talked about opening up to embrace all women as girlfriends. Beginning to put yourself out there as a girlfriend and really seeing the women in your life. We talked about your being trustworthy, impeccable and available. Now I need to talk about putting up boundaries.
Newsletter Blog
Setting Up Boundaries
This has to be the hardest part for me. I love people. I love being available to people and I, with my own natural curiosity, don’t always know when to pull back. Sometimes I let people talk too long, hold my attention too long or keep me busy doing for them, something that has nothing to do with me or feeding my spirit. And I am not talking about this in a selfish spirit, I am talking about talking to -and doing for -others when it takes from what I should be doing or what I need to be taking care of for myself.
When I am heading home from this particular task or when I get off the phone from talking too long, there is a feeling of frustration that doesn’t do me any good! This is where boundaries come in. Only you can decide where your personal boundary must be and in keeping yourself open to other women’s needs and in trying to be a great girlfriend yourself, these lines aren’t always clear.
A question to be aware of may help form clearer lines.
In the circumstance and encounter with this girlfriend, do I feel drained?
Do you come away from this encounter with a sense of frustration because it took energy and spirit from you? When giving out personal time and energy on another, we must have a way of filling back up. When you have a particular person that takes from you emotionally, pulling from you to feed themselves, it will ware your spirit down. When you choose to continue an open relationship with this girlfriend, you must be clear about how much you have of yourself to give. Make a mental note of how long you are willing to spend on the phone with them and sometimes how many times a day! Make mental notes of how much personal time you will physically give them and how often. On a weekly, monthly or yearly basis. Then in a spirit of loving -remember they may not know how to be a girlfriend and are reaching out and clinging to you without their own boundaries in place -you must say no sometimes. You don’t have to say no with an excuse. You are allowed to just say no. Saying “I am not able to” and leaving out the excuses keeps the other person from being able to ‘fix’ your reasoning and getting it worked out so your no just became an ‘okay’. And then you’re frustrated! Keep your no to a truthful statement and remember, less is more. When you leave a situation drained and angry, what kind of a girlfriend are you? And then you call another girlfriend to dump about that girlfriend and then it becomes a gossip fest!
Having personal boundaries set up also keep you from taking on their stuff for your own. And we all have done it. Girlfriend calls with all her stuff. You take it on as a personal mission to fix or help to make her feel better. Not your job. When you take this on a personal level and take it on with your own stuff, you are weighing yourself down with something that isn’t yours and you can’t fix. And it’s not your job to fix. When you are constantly giving money, advice, time and energy you are taking on their stuff! When this is not being reciprocated at any level, this is not a girlfriend relationship! This may be a woman you want to stay open to and be available for and this is fine. Just be sure your boundaries are in place and you are not being drained.
Maybe the best description I have come across is this; we all have our own stuff. We are all carrying weights that must be taken care of. Burdens that must be worked through. That are OURS to work through. We have friends, kids and people in our lives who also have these burdens and weights. Perhaps in our understanding of God or Spirit, we think that we have been asked to carry our sisters burdens. We have been asked to take on ourselves what our sister can not carry. Wrong. Being supportive and loving and giving a hand up does not include taking the burden from them and carrying it. When we take that burden completely from them we take away their opportunity for growth and their opportunity for learning. And we miss the lesson for ourselves. To just be there. To sometimes just listen.
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06.08.08
Posted in My Life at 2:50 am by Administrator
A topic of conversation came up recently wanting to know what to do when your baby won’t stop crying. “What can I do to fix it”?
My daughter Jordan was only a month and a half when she developed Colic. Now I call it Colic because in every sense of the word, I couldn’t get her to calm down or stop crying. Is it a belly ache? I tried feeding, she’s not hungry. I tried rocking, she arched her back. I tried laying her down, her crying increased to an ear piercing scream! So, I did the only thing I, a single mom at the age of 23, knew to do. I cuddled her up in a blanket, held her close to my chest, walked outside in the cool Orlando March air and I held her. Singing softly and talking to her softly and concentrating on my breathing quietly. I knew the only thing I could do would be to calm myself and be the comfort to her she would come to expect. When there was absolutely nothing else I could do, I had to let her cry. And I had to be there for her while she did. Calmly be there for her. Such is life.
Even with our girlfriends. When they need to cry. When the circumstances surrounding them is something we can’t fix. Nor do we need to fix. Sometimes all they need us to do is let them cry. And, perhaps we just need to focus on our breathing, we need to stay calm and we need to be the comfort they expect.
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06.07.08
Posted in Girlfriend Newsletters at 7:20 pm by Administrator
I am sitting on my back porch, coffee by my side, preparing to write up my first Celebrate, Girlfriend! newsletter. Thoughts are running thru my mind trying to formulate and put this together mentally before sitting down to write. The thoughts are 1. How did I get here and 2. My original girlfriends watching this growth process. Lynn, Stephanie, Jordan, Lynnette, Lorena, Sheryl, Glyn, Debora, Daphne, Carmen, Cathy, Nicole, Connie, Tabbi, Tracy, Alison, Alyson, Lysa, Debbie, Jessica, Phyllis, Shannon, Sherri, Marcy, Teresa, Angie, Carol, Dawn, Diane, Kristie, Maria, Ruby, Sandy, Tammi. I mention these names knowing that I may have left off a few, they are in no particular order and I don’t talk to every single one of them every single day. Some I may only talk to a couple times a year. Not all of them know each other or of each other. However, when we do re-connect there is a sense of knowing we have always been there and would have answered the phone, jumped to help or just listened should any one of us have needed it. So, with just an idea and based on many wonderful women in my life, Celebrate, Girlfriend! came to be.
NEWSLETTER BLOG:
Embracing All Women As Girlfriends!
“I don’t have any girlfriends!” This has to be the number one comment I hear when talking to women about Celebrate, Girlfriend! or when giving an invitation to an event. My first thought is always “Are you a girlfriend?” Let’s take a moment to look at ourselves. Let’s examine our own hearts in this matter. A girlfriend is a woman who embraces you exactly as you are. Not always in agreement with the choices you make, men you hang out with or the way you raise your kids. A girlfriend, however, honors you as a woman and allows you to make personal choices, without judgment. A girlfriend always speaks the truth to you. In a spirit of love and true concern and with the ability to let it go. Because ultimately the personal choices are still yours to make, no matter the situation. A girlfriend is trustworthy and always keeps a confidance. A girlfriend is not jealous. She stands beside you in your excitement, not wanting to take from you in order to make herself look or feel better. She wants to give you more. More encouragement, joy, hugs, smiles and “way to go’s”!
So the question comes back to you. Are you a girlfriend? Before you can fuss about not having any, start today living as one. And it’s not about going out and finding someone whose business you can get into. It’s not about getting in on the office gossip in order to have something to talk about. It is about you. You getting up at this moment and setting your intentions on being the best girlfriend YOU can be. Begin to see the small things that are brought to you each day. Become impeccable with your word s and actions, as well as holding every single thing said to you in complete confidance. You be the one who doesn’t gossip. Take this next day and begin to see the women in your life. Really see them. See them for every hurt, anger and frustration they have been through, as well as seeing them for every joy and blessing they have had. You don’t have to do anything about it. Just begin to see them. As you begin to really see them, embrace them. In your mind, heart and spirit, embrace all women as girlfriends. I am not saying to begin dumping on them, nor letting them dump on you. I am saying to open up, in your spirit, the idea that all women are girlfriends. All women have the same basic needs and desires. You are now making a conscious choice to be available. You are being intentional about opening up and becoming a girlfriend.
Women need each other! Women need girlfriends! They are not all going to be close confidantes nor will they all be the first one you call when your life is falling apart -or coming together beautifully. However, each one has a place and belongs. Open up to the women around you. Begin to see their value. Notice the women who lift you up and encourage you in being the best YOU you can be.
Next Newsletter: Setting Personal Boundries
Girlfriends honor us and our choices ~although they may not agree~
Girlfriends live without judgment.
Girlfriends live without jealousy.
Girlfriends honor confidences.
Girlfriends lift us up without rescuing us.
Girlfriends always live in truth ~and that truth being spoken in love~
Girlfriends Celebrate our differences.
Girlfriends know how to listen. Just listen.
Girlfriends know how to love themselves
and so then are able to love us ~unconditionally
~ Girlfriends Celebrate! ~Rachel
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