09.26.08
Posted in Inspiration, My Life at 8:42 pm by Administrator
Have you ever thought of those three little words…or sang the sweet little song most of us learned when we were young?
Jesus Loves Me This I Know
For The Bible Tells Me So
Little Ones To Him Belong
They Are Weak But He Is Strong
Yes, Jesus Loves Me-Yes Jesus Loves Me
Yes, Jesus Loves Me -Because He Tells Me So.
(Okay, I changed the last line a bit -forgive me- I would rather He tell me so!)
Of all the travels in my life -Spiritual, Emotional and Physical- These have remained constant. I haven’t always acknowledged this simple fact but have, however, always known it was true.
A month or so ago I had the honor of hearing Billy Grahms daughter, Gigi, speak. Oh, the stories she had to tell about her dad! (This, I am sure, will be Destin one day telling stories on me!) One thing she said that stood out was in all of her dad’s speaking and in everything he had to say to the millions of people he had been in front of, he ALWAYS looked out to the people and said, simply, “Jesus Loves You, Jesus Loves You, Jesus Loves You.” That’s when it hit me.
Having grown up with many different views on chrisianity, religion and the spirit world I believe I may be as open to what just is as anyone. I know spiritual truths just are -no matter what personal beliefs you hold. I know we come from the same creator -no matter what personal beliefs you hold. I know it is not for me to determine your beliefs or life path -no matter what personal beliefs I hold. It is for me to live a life with love for all life and people no matter your choices. You are still a part of me in spirit and since Jesus loves you it makes it really easy that I love you as well.
As a Christian it is to live my life Christ Like. It is to live a life simply of forgiveness and love. When I try to complicate it with what I should be doing, need to be doing or must not be doing right, I go back to my simple prayer:
“Lord Jesus, YOU did not make this relationship with you complicated. When I am doing something I shouldn’t be -convict me. When I am doing what you would want me to do -give me peace. When I am not sure a direction to take -keep me still. In all of this I ask for Wisdom and Discernment to know what IS.”
Above all, in everything I do and in all of life circumstances, I will remember the most simple of all Jesus Loves Me and in remembering this, I will also acknowledge it!
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06.08.08
Posted in My Life at 2:50 am by Administrator
A topic of conversation came up recently wanting to know what to do when your baby won’t stop crying. “What can I do to fix it”?
My daughter Jordan was only a month and a half when she developed Colic. Now I call it Colic because in every sense of the word, I couldn’t get her to calm down or stop crying. Is it a belly ache? I tried feeding, she’s not hungry. I tried rocking, she arched her back. I tried laying her down, her crying increased to an ear piercing scream! So, I did the only thing I, a single mom at the age of 23, knew to do. I cuddled her up in a blanket, held her close to my chest, walked outside in the cool Orlando March air and I held her. Singing softly and talking to her softly and concentrating on my breathing quietly. I knew the only thing I could do would be to calm myself and be the comfort to her she would come to expect. When there was absolutely nothing else I could do, I had to let her cry. And I had to be there for her while she did. Calmly be there for her. Such is life.
Even with our girlfriends. When they need to cry. When the circumstances surrounding them is something we can’t fix. Nor do we need to fix. Sometimes all they need us to do is let them cry. And, perhaps we just need to focus on our breathing, we need to stay calm and we need to be the comfort they expect.
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03.07.08
Posted in My Life at 7:22 am by Administrator
Okay, so you have asked. And you have given God a time limit. Because what you perceive as good timing is all you are thinking about. What you are needing right now is all you are seeing. It is the bigger picture that you can’t see. It is what God is working out for good all around you and in other lives that you are having to wait on. So, you “Ask and Ye Shall Receive” and then you “Let Go And Let God“ and then “Wait Upon The Lord”.
What I am saying is. Ask for what you want. And it isn’t about asking for money. What is it that money would bring? A peace about your bills? Loosening up the pocket book a little so you can go to Target? Being able to give the way you have always felt you should? It isn’t about asking for a man. They aren’t too hard to find. So get clear about what it is you are really asking for. The root of what more money would give you. The companionship that a relationship would bring. Then “Let Go And Let God”. Don’t pick it back up. Get clear about what you are really asking for and hold that thought. Notice how it feels to have money in the bank. Notice how it feels to have financial freedom. Notice how it feels to hand a check to the cause that concerns you most. Now claim it. As if it is already true. Continue to hold that until. Until it manifests in the physical what you have already claimed in the spiritual. Wondering what is taking so long? Not your job. That split second thought needs to immediately be replaced with what you already know to be true. The thought and the feeling you have when you asked and claimed this. When you let the negative climb back in to your conscious thinking, you are giving power to that negative thought. You are sliding back into the lack. I don’t have it. I am never going to get it. God doesn’t answer my prayers. Now where are you? Right back at the beginning. Start over. Ask again. Now let go and let God. Now wait upon the Lord. Sometimes it helps to keep the excitement when you get a hold of the thought and the feeling that goes along with the thought. And then take your imagination and think about all the people God is working on and through while you are waiting. What is God putting in place while you are holding the truth in thought and feeling. I know while I continued to ask God for a husband. I would feel like time was running out. Okay, I have been single for 3 years now. That is quite long enough. I am lonely. I am wanting to be a wife. Okay, I have been single for 6 years now. Quite long enough! I am ready for that loving relationship. Wow. The 7th year into it and I had to start healing. I didn’t realize how angry I had been at Tracy for leaving me. In death even. Now I couldn’t tell him how mad I was. I couldn’t get in his face and blame him for my hurt and anger. I had to deal with it on my own. And I did. And then I got peace about being single. For over 9 years now. And in the meantime, the past 2 years, my prayer changed. Yes, I still asked for a husband. Yes, I still asked to be a wife. However, my prayer became one of thanksgiving. Thanking God for the husband he was preparing for me. Thanking God for preparing me, in the meantime, to be the wonderful, loving wife that this fabulous man would deserve. Becoming thankful, truly thankful, and excited! Excited about the love that is and is going to be. The prayer that is being answered right now, even if my menial little brain can’t wrap around the process. Or why the process has to take so long. I am excited as I watch God’s plan for my life unfold all around me. As I ask in each little area of my life. As I take what I ask, hold the thought and desire and claim it, as I “Ask and I Shall Receive“ as I “Let go and Let God” and then as I “Wait Upon The Lord“.
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12.17.07
Posted in My Life at 12:03 pm by Administrator
I began 2007 a single woman. After having dated a man through the holidays last year, and those being the lonliest holidays of the last 8 years, I stepped back and thought maybe I was trying too hard. I had intentionally quit dating for 2.5 years, began dating intentionally the summer of 2006 and had come to the end of the year feeling stronger and more sure of what I knew I needed in a man. Also realizing I had dated alot and was tired of it. I decided to stop ‘looking’.
I had put myself out in cyber-space. Dating online ~ Match.com, Eharmony, meeting guys on Myspace ~ and I have to say, I met some of the nicest guys. Really. Interesting, each different and each showing me qualities I would love to bring together into one, Mister Lovely. But I knew when to let go. I knew when to say we didn’t need to date any longer. It was nice to be aware enough that I would not stay one day longer than was necessary to know. Except through the holidays. It was sad. No phone call on Thanksgiving-okay, we had just started dating, he was with his family. No show at my 40th birthday-okay, his daughter was in town and he has little enough time with her. Ignored the week from Christmas to New Years eve. Not okay ladies! Back to my old adage..”It Either Is Or It Isn’t”…nice as he was when he took me out, this was just wrong. Or, as my sister-in-law likes to point out, “Greg was just a bad idea.” Thank you, Tammy.
So, Linda-Girls-Mister Jim, Thank you for hosting the New Years Eve Party 2006, sorry I left-in tears. But when I called my date-Greg-to meet him for the evening, and he wanted to know what I thought of our dating, I took the opportunity to tell him. Yes ladies, in love and compassion.
So, the 2nd week of January, out steps Mr. Sweet Spirit. I had known him several months and in fact, he and I had confided about this guy or that and his relationship that had just ended. So we had established a friendship base. When he asked if I had talked to Greg I responded “Why?” Move on, God has something really great planned so why go back to not great. I told Mr. Sweet Spirit I had decided to quit dating -Tired of shaving my legs, tired of putting on make-up, tired of trying to get to know someone. Mr. Sweet Spirit responded “So, do you want to go to Buffalo Wild Wings Friday night?” Well yes, of course I do! And did for the next 10 months.
This has been a nice year spent with Mr. Sweet Spirit. I have kept my eyes open, spoke up when something wasn’t okay and stayed open and honest about this relationship. The biggest not okay was his inability to commit. Yes, we got along great. Great chemistry. Laughed. And I was able to see where I didn’t stay true to myself sometimes…I can be a little intense and I tried to reserve! So finely, a few weeks ago I had to tell him I thought we should let go. I am looking for a love. A partner. A companion. And yes, Destin deserves him to be a dad as well. I don’t require much. Emotional intimacy~openness on all levels, honesty, sharing~This seems to be the big hurdle. I’m thinking 10 months is quite long enough to know if you are moving forward in a relationship. Mr. Sweet Spirit said it was sad I thought it was long enough. He liked things the way they were. Yes, because everything is good for you. Everything is not good for me and I need to move on.
It took a couple weeks to let him go. We tried to stay friends. He continued to call -almost on a daily basis. He came over for dinner on Monday night. Me, I am holding out hope he will come to his senses and realize I am the better for him. Not happening. When I didn’t hear from him between Thursday morning to Monday morning, I knew I had to let him go for good. The friendship thing was only going one way. He wasn’t available when I needed him to be yet I was still there for him. Not okay. He came over for dinner, brought me a beautiful birthday present and I asked him how his date was that weekend. He looked at me and said “I didn’t want to tell you that way.” Well, how did you want to tell me? I know Mr. Sweet Spirit too well. Great looking, kind, sweet, doesn’t want to be alone. Of course he was going to be out on a date. Yes, it hurt. But we had moved apart. He was allowed to date. I just knew, at that moment, that we couldn’t continue to stay attached. Emotionally. I would not be the other woman. I would not stay in the middle of a new relationship he was choosing to pursue. I will not be that hurt for someone else. So, having spent 3 weeks trying, I finely let Mr. Sweet Spirit go. No more holding on to hope that he would come to his senses. No more hoping for him to profess his love for me. I need room for Mr. Lovely. Mr. Whole Package. Mr. Emotionally Open. Mr. Whatever His Name Will Be. Mister who wants to know my heart and soul. Mister who supports my passions. He doesn’t have to understand them, that is what I have girlfriends for!
In hindsight - along with staying aware of what was good in a man and what was not okay, I have become more sure of what is meant for me. And I didn’t choose to stop seeing Mr. Sweet Spirit because there was someone else to date. I just knew there was no room for Mister Lovely if there was an emotional attachment to Mr. Anybody else. Thus my having learned The Art Of Letting Go.
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12.15.07
Posted in My Life at 7:00 pm by Administrator
Jordan Elizabeth,
How do you even begin to put what is in your heart down on paper when you are wanting someone to understand the depth of an emotion or the existence of a love that is indescribable.
When you were born it was just you and me. I had such a desire to protect you and keep you from hurting. As you grew I began to realize I couldn’t keep you from the hurt, nor would I want to. It is from those times that we are able to grow -as long as we stay open to the learning and focus on what is good even in the pain.
I have seen you with your girlfriends, even the girls you have been friends with since you were 4 years old. The way that you have grown into a woman (yes I have to consider you one) and have been a friend with them all this time. Today at your home, hearing them talk about what you mean to them. That they are able to trust you. That you are truthful with them even if they may not want to hear it. That you are aware enough to speak the truth in love. That you are aware enough to know you are speaking it in love. For one of my best girlfriends to say about you that you are lovable. That she would say you make her smile and bring her joy when she is around you.
For anyone to say that you are mature and responsible is the truth. I want to add to that and say you are not grown. You are still loving being a teenager and loving being a Senior in high school ~Yet you also love being independent, making decisions on you own or in unison with Michael. Such as mature adults do. I see a balance with you. I see you continuing to grow and change. And enjoying the change as you grow. I see you open to spiritual things in life and that brings me a great amount of Joy.
How would I ever have known ~ 18 years ago ~ that I would be blessed to Mother such a sweet and wonderful Spirit. That I would admire and appreciate you for so many reasons. Reasons that could never be simple and perhaps never understood.
So I will leave it at this for now. Knowing words are only words. And I will continue to give you space to grow. As I hope I have always done. And I will continue to watch you and admire you. And I will continue to learn what it is to care about another human being and not have the words tell.
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12.02.07
Posted in My Life at 12:10 pm by Administrator
Written to me from my Soul Sister, Stephanie
December 02, 2006
For you this your 40th birthday ought to be a sun overriding all the other stars. Rarely, have I seen resolve such as yours - touching with your gentle laugh the scars yielded in battles you’ve won. Happy birthday, dearest one, precious soul - sister of my heart! We’re one in love and joy, in fondness and worth … and so as one we celebrate this day, your day of birth! Rejoice in your specialness awhile: this I’m not requesting but demanding! How else to make yourself the celebration, doing what doesn’t come naturally? I hope that throughout this month of December, our birth month, you find joy, surprises, laughter and love … all of which you deserve in great abundance … all of which you have shown me since the day we met. To discover my soul-sister throughout the last 4 years has been one of the most wonderful and treasured surprises of all! You make me laugh, regardless of what else may be going on in life. That’s a priceless gift; one I can never repay you for. It’s no secret how much I value laughter in life; you’ve shown me many wonderful laughs, just by being yourself, and saying what’s on your mind. Another Rachel attribute that I admire, and has me wishing I could have more of in my own life. So today, and throughout this month, I celebrate your birth, and my good fortune in finding the precious gift of your friendship. Happy Birthday, Girlfriend! And here’s to many, many more years of friendship and laughter! ~ LYMI!
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11.27.07
Posted in My Life at 2:05 pm by Administrator
It begins with a restless feeling of sorts. Not sure what needs to be cleaned first, but just an overwhelming feeling that my house is a wreck! Company might stop by and not notice anything out of place. But I know. So, I don’t start with the obvious. I head straight for the closets!
When my daughter was still at home and would see me starting, she would joke and say “oh no, mom is in one of her moods.”
In the closet I start at the top shelf, pull out anything I don’t need to keep. Straighten any coats or clothes hanging, once again removing anything sticking out like a sore thumb that I couldn’t possibly wear! Then pulling out everything on the floor. Grab the broom and mop, clean as a whistle and ONLY put back in what belongs. Anything else is trash bound or Bethel Bible Village bound!
When the closets are done ~this means EVERY closet~ I start under the sinks. Then the cabinets in the kitchen. Last but not least, under the bed! Whew! Feeling better all ready! Now into the living room and no, I can’t just straighten up. I must pull out the sofa, the shelving, chairs. All the dog hair is vacuumed, all the dust bunnies put away.
This doesn’t happen often. Maybe it needs to happen more often.
To keep what is hidden even tidier than what people see. So that even if I am the only one going into the closet, I see what is going on. I see if it is a jumbled mess or clean and uncluttered.
On the very rare occasion when I am feeling odd, unbalanced and uncertain, I start in the closets.
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09.27.07
Posted in My Life at 2:06 am by Administrator
Driving home yesterday after work, I totaled my company vehicle. I have never in my life been in an accident and this one was so messed up! My turning left across three lanes of traffic on what had been a green arrow. Two of the lanes having traffic at a dead stand still while waiting on their light to turn green and the 3rd lane having been empty…until I entered the intersection and noticed a Dodge Durango traveling at a good clip. My thought was “he needs to slow down if he is going to turn right” and at the same time “Shit! He’s not slowing down to turn right!” Yes, getting T-Boned was always in my car accident dreams. This man had to have been going 35MPH to have hit me with the force he did and spin my car around and put me up on the opposite side walk! Spitting glass out of my mouth and shaking it out of my hair I was just thinking “so this is what it is like.” And then a few expletives and a phone call to my boss.
Being home early today gave me a chance to turn on the Maury show. I wanted to be reminded of what real drama is. Not accidents in life itself that stop us from normal routine, but drama that is seemingly created to keep us stirred up. Drama that some people seem to draw into their life to have something -anything- to feel. Or keep from feeling.
All I ask for is reality. Honest, upfront, sometimes confusing and sometimes hurtful reality. I don’t need to make anything up and I am not going to get to avoid it!
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09.10.06
Posted in My Life at 4:13 am by Administrator
In listening to relationship therapists, that seem to be coming out of the woodwork these days, what they seem to be saying to the women and girls are ~You are not a Princess and you are not going to have a Knight in Shining Armor come and rescue you ~End of Fairy Tale. So now what do we do? Re-write?
I am becoming more and more aware, in my search for Mr. Lovely, of how many single moms, in particular, there are. Hence a bigger need for Knights on White Horses but also an increasing number of women who are strong, independent, self sufficient, and in charge of the household. Speaking for myself, this has been an 8 year learning process. One that I have not been happy about at times and one I have actually been very angry about at times. I did not ask to be head of household. I did not ask to raise these kids on my own. I did not ask to be totally in charge and independent.
No wonder men are confused and women are crazy! Nobody knows how to act anymore. All these little girls growing up with the same fairy tales the boys were read. Okay, the same basic story line one was just called Snow White and one was called Robin Hood. Same story, one written from the guys point of view and one written by the damsel-in-distrss herself.
So, we are coming more into a day where we women just need a partner. A loving, respectful, considerate, let me be me and you be you partner. This should take the pressure off the guys to some extent. They no longer have to know how to resuce. They now just have to know how to be a friend. And that would include knowing when to give a hug and knowing when to back off. I just said we didn’t need a rescuer, I never said we weren’t still emotional females.
And you, my man, can still go hunting. Or watch ESPN. Or scratch yourself. Or have your friends over and talk too loud and make disgusting noises. And I will still let you wash the cars and do the yard work. Remember, I agree there are male and female roles. I just can’t do the damsel-in-distress.
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